im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
