If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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