Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize
