I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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