no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
