and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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