Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
