btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
