Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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