Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
