halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You left your phone here
Wait...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
