Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
