Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am naked and annoyed.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
