she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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