Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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