Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
