just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
