Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
