OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
