I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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