Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I made him laugh his dick is mine
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
