hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So vagazzling was a success
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
