Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
