I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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