I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just googled if crying burns calories
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
