Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
