I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
