Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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