Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
