That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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