Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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