somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
