I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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