just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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