So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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