1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
pray to the hookup gods
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
