haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
