does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
