I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
