At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
