I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
