I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
