remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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