if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
