You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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