Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
