I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
