When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize