You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize