so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
3pm strippers are depressing
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
