Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
