now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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