We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
