I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
40s are totally the cure
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
