you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
