I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
