dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
worst night to have a conscience
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
