I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
