I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
