I'm so fucking centered right now
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
