i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
being pregnant is like rehab
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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