You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
