On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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