Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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