I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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