I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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