I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
