All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
