They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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