You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
