i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I got inside last night via doggy door
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
