Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
