the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Shame - the story of my life.
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