I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
