Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize