Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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